Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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