So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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