i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
