i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
