I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
