If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
