like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm like, not good at living.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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