1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
