As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They are going to name an STD after you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
