your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
