New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize