so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
