Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
