Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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