I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
