It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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