I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
