got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize