He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
