Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
