every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
