I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
