well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
