I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
