I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
