How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
