he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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