Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
