i barfeds in our rink
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
