you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
