You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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