I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
