he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So apparently I’m into choking now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
