i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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