He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
