you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
