I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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