i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
