how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
