Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope

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(217): View more from Illinois

You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk

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(201): View more from New Jersey

kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.

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(970): View more from Colorado

just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

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(630): View more from Illinois

just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea

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(281): View more from Texas

Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

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(786): View more from Florida

I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.

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(094): View more from

He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out

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