Walk of Shame. In a state park.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
