i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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