why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
