You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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