"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
