i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
