Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
