i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
