How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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