glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
