I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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