We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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