Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As shirtless as possible
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
