Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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