You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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