What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
