is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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