I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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