There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
