The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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