why didn't you poke me back
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
