That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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