i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
