I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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