My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
