i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
