I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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