yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
