I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
