It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
