he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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