for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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