I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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