I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize