Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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